hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize