I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
