I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
