Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize