Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
