Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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