Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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