Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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