Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize