No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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