franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
