Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
