he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
