we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
