we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
