only if we run a train.
done.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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