Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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