I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
