just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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