If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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