stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
