whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
