4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
