as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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