I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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