finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
