Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
