I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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