not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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