after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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