in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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