I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
