Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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