You're so nebulous sometimes
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
