I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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