No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
