Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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