so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
