There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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