He is like the real live version of the state fair..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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