ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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