Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
