I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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