Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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