Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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