How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
