Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so let's talk penis.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize