Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
