So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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