the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
