i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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