I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
