No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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