a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
