ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
