moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
