if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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