It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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