i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
