i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
