You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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