i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
