I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
