his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
