Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
