I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
