Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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