Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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