I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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