I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
