I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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