so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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