fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
