dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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