his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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