Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
