Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
