Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
