Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
