I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
