I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
