Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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