I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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