I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize