dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
