just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize