I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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